‘Twas the night before Valentine’s Day, and my less-than-handy husband is locked in the garage, and I’ve been given strict orders not to peek. If you’re not worried, you don’t know him.
Once upon a time, our second house had solid wood paneling in the finished basement. This basement had a wet bar, and being the young idiots that we were, we decided to make it a working wet bar. That did not happen, but we sure had enthusiasm in the beginning. Mark’s enthusiasm was certainly endearing, but endearing does not get you very far in the way of home improvement.
Guys… I am the oldest of four girls, and my father leaned on all of us for help at home. We all did our fair share, and I learned a good bit along the way. Plus, I am… oh, I’ll admit, I’m a know-it-all. If I don’t know something, I gotta learn it, because I certainly can’t have others knowing more than me. So, I’m a bit handy.
Alright, back to Mark…. he was mounting that ultra-cool, early 2000’s rope light that everyone had, ya know? I had this crap in my room when I thought I was cutting edge, and also 13. Okay, ugly bright blue rope light… Mark with a drill… I figured he could handle his life. I left the basement to go unpack some more boxes, but quickly returned to the lightning-fast storm of cuss words flowing from his lips. Y’all… he was so mad. You know why? Because my “drywall anchors are broken.” Yup. My drywall anchors for my solid wood paneling don’t jive.
He once tried mounting an enormous portrait of Billie Holiday in our first house by just tapping a nail into the drywall and hanging the giant 24″ x 36″ frame on a lonely nail. I had to show him how to use a drywall anchor when hanging something in drywall, and he was boggled. Like… y’all, I swear, I did some Houdini shit and he never knew the way of the world. Little did I know, I instilled in this man that you need drywall anchors for hanging pictures. ALWAYS. Whodathunkit, right? Didn’t think to mention that drywall anchors are just for drywall.
Alright, back to the second house with the solid wood… he drilled holes into the solid wood so he could bang the drywall anchors into the holes… and then screw in a screw…. to mount the rinky-dink 2 pounds of rope light around a door frame.
Time out: I love my husband. He is an amazing man who provides endlessly for this family, an active and loving father to our son, he treats me like a queen, and would sacrifice his self for us countless times. But God does not give with both hands. He did not inherit the smarts.
I had to explain to this poor man that HOUSES are held together with wood and nails. Surely, a nail into some wood can hold 12 feet of hideous rope light without the assistance of a drywall anchor, which belongs in… DRYWALL.
So now… Mark is in the garage creating me a special Valentine’s Day gift… and I am nervous. I’m sure it will be perfect, but… you know.
Lol, let us not forget the romantic gift of fireplace tools !!
I mentioned it to some other wonderful ladies! I didn’t marry him for his gift-giving abilities. Jesus must’ve known he was going to be a great father and husband, because he had to redeem himself somehow.